Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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