So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
