Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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