my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
