I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
