sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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