Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize