She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
