so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
