I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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