Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
did i just pee glitter
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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