I'm really into asian looking animals
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
