Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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