do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
