After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I did not marry a roomba.
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