I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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