if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
