That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
