Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
