I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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