not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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