nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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