And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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