We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
