grandma shit on top of the toilet
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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