You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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