i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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