And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
