it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
