im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
