I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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