my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
