Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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