Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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