I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
