he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
