You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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