I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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