i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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