break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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