party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
