Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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