I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize