8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
