i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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