Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
