I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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