1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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