Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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