There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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