yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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