just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
