I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
