im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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