you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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