Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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