the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
