someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
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