Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
