The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
