this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
