honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
