Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize