She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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