Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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