White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
