The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
